April 30, 2002

Tuesday. Nothing much really went on today. Today was a cloudy day then it rained in the afternoon. I didn't do anything of interest, just trying to sort things out in my mind. I got so frustrated this afternoon with everything that's been going on that I snapped at a few people unintentionally. A is officially over with me I think. We talked for a little bit, but the convo was short and I mainly did all the talking and got one word replies. A wrote in the journal online too, and it wasn't the nicest things to say about me which isn't cool. I'm not a bad person, but due to their way of thinking I am I guess. I'm going to let this one go, but it's been a little hard since I've been having dreams of being together and stuff. Go figure. Tomorrow is a college fair out of town in Woodbridge. Ten minutes from A's. Not cool at all. I need to let this one go since I'll end up getting in a depression again about crap. I could find someone, I just have to put my energy and optimism into it. I can do it. Time will tell. Anyways, that's all for tonight. I'll write again tomorrow maybe.

Song of the moment: Orgy - Blue Monday

April 29, 2002

Today is Monday. Very depressing day, or at least sad day anyway. I really am beginning to miss A. I don't have that much to write tonight, but I just want to know why everything went downhill and another chance or even talking isn't even an option at this point. I think I'm a pretty nice person and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone when it comes to a relationship. I talked with a few friends about what happened this weekend, and they said that I didn't do anything wrong. I guess I'll never know what really went on this past weekend and how A feels since we aren't talking anymore it seems. I guess it's back to square one. :( I am so lonely. Why can't I find someone?

Song of the moment: Pink - You Make Me Sick

April 27, 2002

Today I took Manda to Lacey to see Brian again. I also brought my friend A along. All I can say is there was something about this weekend that was weird. There was a weird vibe in the air, and in the end our relationships failed. Due to the personal matters on this, I won't say in here what exactly happened and what went wrong this day. The main question I would like an answer to is why everything had to go sour when me and Manda thought we actually had good luck with things for once?

Song of the moment: Course of Nature - Caught In The Sun

April 23, 2002

Got out early from la escuela, so I decided to take a trip to meet someone from online. I went alone. I had mixed feelings of doing this. Everyone was busy with other things today, so I decided to go alone. I was a little nervous since I would have to drive on the turnpike to get to my destination. All I can say is when I arrived, I was filled with excitement. For the first time in awhile, I was happy. We went to Woodbridge Mall and walked around for a little while. We had lots of fun. Then, we went back to the house and kissed. :X I can't wait to go up there again. I am lovestuck right now. I wish I could find my someone special and get rid of this lonely feeling.

Song of the moment: Brandy - Full Moon ("Your smile and all the love you showing lets me know that you like what you see and wanna get to know me too. This could very well be the start of something special")